Butt they're so clever!

Cottonelle's recent ad campaign in the Shuttle threw me for a loop. On one nondescript morning I, along with my crosstown transferer buddies (47.7% of NYC), shuffled towards our beloved shuttle. I was momentarily blinded by the brightness everywhere when I realized that the Shuttle had done it again. Pimping her lovely self out to Madison Avenue once more rendered her wrapped in swaths upon swaths of toilet paper.

Let me back up for a sec. For anyone who doesn't know about the advertising on the Shuttle, it goes like this: a huge ad made out of some sort of elastic plastic material with sticky backing is created literally the size of a subway car. Said ad is then stuck onto the inside of the subway car, covering every inch of wall there is to cover, including the rims of windows, those frames that ads used to be constrained to, the No Se Apoye Contra La Puerta warning signs, the rims of the doorways, and the unfortunate homeless guy who has fallen asleep against the door. Ads the size of whole rows of the subway seats may also be created, so that whereas once you may have been sitting on yellow, orange and red seats you are now sitting on Journeyman's face. The richest companies also create ads the shape of a) subway car ceilings and vents so as to hock their goods to the exasperated commuter who looks up to the heavens crying "God save me!" as well as b) in the shape of the floor for when said commuter then looks down yelling "Fucking hell!"

Although Cottonelle is very witty with such slogans as "We shine where the sun don’t" and "Be kind to your behind" I presume it is not very rich, because they only had ads all over the walls and none on the ceiling or floor or seats. Amid my recoiling disgust for another attack of advertising on my sensitive and highly impressionable person, the capitalist in me piped up. You know, they should have covered the seats in rolls of toilet paper. What?! Shut up little capitalist! But don't you think that makes more sense? Little capitalist, stop trying to help the dark side. But think about it. TP is for your butt. Therefore you should be sitting on it. Plus it would make the seats look nicer. Look I don't need to be advertised to more, little capitalist. You know I'm right. I'm ignoring you now. Yeah you know it. I can't hear you I can't hear you I can't hear you. I so own you.