Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"...as long as the right guy wins!"

One day, before I die, it needs to be "...as long as the right person wins!" again.

Election day is here again! There was significantly less personal drama than the last time around, when I wasn't even sure if I could vote.  But somehow, a week after Hurricane Sandy ravaged this city (as well as the home of the namesake of this blog), we all managed to get our act together to go out and vote.  Then again, on the UWS it was sort of like business as usual and if I didn't have my TV on I might not have known about all the crap my poor tri-state area cohorts were going through.

This year they changed my polling station to a different school.  One much closer to me, but one that was apparently a lot smaller. I got to the site at 7:15pm to a line that wrapped around the entire block, which was weird because last time when I got to the polling station at roughly the same time, there was no line at all.  Considering it was right around when everyone gets out of work, I wasn't completely surprised.  But I wasn't sticking around - it was 40 degrees and I was in heels - I figured I'd go home and wait an hour and come back out. Surely the line would die out by then.

At 8:15, I went back out and no such luck - the line was just as long! This was really weird.  Luckily I found my parents in line and hopped in with them. Yes, I cut the line to ensure that I could fulfill my civic duty where it doesn't matter anyway.  But honestly - that was the least of everyone's problem. I think it took us about 40 mins to get into the entrance of the school, and once we got to the entrance it was a complete clusterf*ck, which explained the insane line. For one thing, the room was about a quarter the size of the last school's auditorium.

One thing that added to the crowds was much more stringent ID checking this year.  My mom's last name was spelled with a "W" while mine was spelled with a "V", so even though the addresses matched our IDs exactly and the signatures matched our IDs exactly, the lady at the table agonized over what to do.  My dad's name was spelled right, so we hastily got him his forms and sent him off.  After sorting out this mixup, my mom and I finally got our forms. Seeing our names in the registration book but not being able to just get our stuff and go was like coming back from a school field trip where the bus would go right by my house without stopping to let me off because they were required to take everyone back to the school.  I'm all for crushing voter fraud but this was mildly nonsensical, but hey I can't blame the lady who has been up and working since 5AM and getting paid only $200.

So we moved 4 years forward but I think we went back in time for this election. First of all, I got a bubble sheet to fill out my vote. A bubble sheet! And in a manilla folder! What is this, 1988?  If it wasn't so crowded in there and 9pm, I would have had a flashback to the fourth grade to my scantron days. No one told me where to go to fill it out but I figured it out. There were these sad little tables that had a blinders around them decorated in red, white and blue. Where were my switches? Where was my lever? Where was my curtain?! I felt so exposed! Someone was trying to look over my shoulder to steal my answers! And where were the instructions? Was I supposed to circle the bubble? Put an X on it? Put a line through it? Put a dot in it? Color it in? What if I went outside the lines? Where was my Number 2 pencil? And why was the font so small?!  I could barely read the names!

After I figured out who I was voting for (the 3 candidates who were running for the 3 judge seats unopposed - hm, tough one) I put my scantron sheet back into my manilla folder and now had to figure out what to do with it.  Was I supposed to fax it somewhere?  Someone told me that the scanners were on the other side of the room. So all I had to do was push and shove my way through that. There was actually no line for the scanner so before I fed my votes in I looked around for a unicorn too.  I put my page into the scanner - upside down or right side up, it didn't matter and I waited for my results to be sent off somewhere. Finally - one piece of evidence that we're in a modern era - the spinning beachball of death. And then....that was it. The volunteer told me I was done. Dissatisfied, I looked for my mom who was lost in the sea of hangry voters, and brought her to the scanner. We fed her scantron into the scanner as well and waited and then...that was it.  We were done.  After all that.  Did everyone vote like this or was this just New York?

The room still looked like a 3rd world airport as my mom and I now had to figure out how to leave this place. We squeezed ourselves through some people from district 24 who were waiting to find their registration/fill out their bubble sheet/scan in their votes and slipped out the back, which was fabulously unpopulated.  Next time, I'm coming through the back door.  Voting this year did not feel like we were in a modern new era.  It was crowded. It was chaotic. It was confusing.  It was a mess. But still, it was awesome. I want to do this every year.

Let's organize this a little better next time, shall we?

Excuse me, is that folder from Staples?

Why aren't there more people running?

Really? This is how the president of a world super power is getting elected?

Feeding the votes in.

What would I do if this didn't work? The thing already ate my paper.

...and....that's it.

Relegated to the corner and ignored by every single person in the room.

9:20PM - last people to vote.

Mom's post election reward.

Let's do this again in 4 years?


Monday, August 9, 2010

this is not even my own conversation

John : If you do not receive your new replacement unit within 7 to 10 business days, please contact our Consumer Care Center at 1-800-682-7664 and a representative will assist with the status of your replacement. Hours of operation are Monday – Saturday 8:00 AM – 11:00 PM ET and Sunday 9:00 AM – 6:00 PM ET.
chiligrrl: how do i ensure the bulb doesn't go out again?
John : Take care of the safety precaution which is mentioned in the user manual, Tina.
chiligrrl: i'm reading the manual and it doesn't say anything about how to care for the UV light
John : Do you want me to forward the request for the bulb, Tina?
John : UV clean technology helps kill germs on your brush head
John : All around clean reflection for optimal results
John : Simple push of the button safeguards against germs.
John : Auto shut-off turns off after 10-minute cycle is complete.
John : Hygienic storage for your brush head.
chiligrrl: no i understand what it's for.
chiligrrl: anyway, thanks. i'll take the replacement bulb and hope that solves my problem

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Knock, knock!

me: u up?
Chiligrrl: yup
chatting with ramon
me: wha!!!!!11
ooo
i don't know ramon
does he like noodles?
hehheh
Chiligrrl: yes you do
ramon from cbs
me: ARGH!
i TOTALLY KNOW ramon!
he's so flamboyant
tell him i say HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
i'm slightyly tispy
Chiligrrl: where did u go with your friend?
me: landmarc
i suspect he might be gay
jury is STILL out
Chiligrrl: justin? i can't keep up
is he cute?
me: no justin is the british dude who didn't make reservations and i haven't talked to him since
i didn't even say thanks
he's cute
Chiligrrl: but gay
me: yah
Chiligrrl: well if he's in the closet, he's straight for now
me: heh
ok.............
so
someones knocking!
i don't have pants on!!!!
what if it's my dad!?
Sent at 12:22 AM on Thursday

Chili
grrl: hi dad!
Sent at 12:26 AM on Thursday

Chili
grrl: u disappeared
is dad still there?
Sent at 12:52 AM on Thursday

Sorry Chiligrrl, but basically the voice from the other side calls out to say I just left my keys in the lock. So typical. So not my dad. I rush to find some pants and put them on, and then I open the door to retrieve my keys. The good samaritan is standing in the doorway to my neighbor's apartment and waves. As it turns out, he's this contractor named "Twinkle Toes" (NO joke) straight from San Francisco (he's real - he's from Minna Street) and he's redoing the apt next door which I already knew about because there's always dust in my walkway. I thought that maybe the people next door had bought this adjacent apt and were connecting them, but he tells me that the owner of the apartment....died!

Ok so here's the deal. This owner, who I have met about twice, was this strange lady who worked for the UN and was some sort of neurologist/psychiatrist/entymologist who I had diagnosed with a slight case of asperger's. Very interesting, but very hard to get out of a conversation with. She wore a huge black floppy wide brimmed hat and used to come in all hours of the night. I know this because I come in all hours of the night. I could smell her perfume from the elevators...which were about 500 yards away. Her son lived in the apartment underneath me, with his wife and two very young kids. Now before you go "H-H-H-WHAT, what kind of high-rise mansion do you live in you richass bitch and why isn't yo stingy ass bringing me on your vacations to Seychelles?" note that A) I have not gone to Seychelles yet and B) I actually live in a barely 1-bedroom, and what they did was build a wall in their living room for their two kids to share. Cramped-sounding, right? Right! Which is why I always assumed that if she were to leave her apartment, her son would take it and move his family up there, right? Wrong!

Fully pantsed, I stepped out of my apartment to retrieve my keys and see Twinkle Toes. Ever curious about the work that was being done next door, I ask if I can come by. As it turns out, the new owner is some sort of business media mogul who's got two young kids and had bought the apartment after my neighbor died. I felt really bad about hearing that - I mean it's true that I hadn't seen her in months, but ever the optimist, I guess I just thought she had decided to retire and sip on mojitos in Florida and that our other neighbors were going to expand in her space since for a little while I had seen the 22E-ers going in and out of that apartment. But the second reason I felt bad was that my dreams to buy that apartment next door and convert my limited 1BR into a sprawling 3-bedroom castle-in-the-sky were now dashed. Er...am I evil? (Note, I came up with this idea way before Liz Lemon decided to build her yuppy duplex)

I spent the next hour talking to Twinkle Toes (seriously, he called himself that twice and like I said, he lived in SOMA, NOT the Castro as one would more likely think!!) and having him show me the improvements. They really weren't doing that much, just a new paint and flooring job and some new cabinetry, but it was fun nonetheless. Maybe in five years when this family outgrows its space, I'll convince them to expand into my space, pink walls and all, for an exorbitant price and maybe then, you will be sipping mai-tais with me in Fuji...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The best in customer service

receptionist: thank you for calling the pacifica hotel, how may i assist you?
me: hi, i just wanted to know if you guys keep a webcam and microphone for laptops in case business travellers need to borrow them?
receptionist: ma'am, thank you for allowing me to assist you with your question about...your question by allowing me to transfer you to our front desk.
me: um, thanks.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

THIS is why I watch LOST!!

Good old quality time with my buds.


Them: Chili's pad, Irving Place, NY, NY
Me: Hotel room, Irvine, CA

Them: 9:30 PM EST
Me: 6:30 PM PST

Them: Apple
Me: Dell

Chat tool: Gchat
Status: Awesome

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dog IMing a Cat

merpe: hi
did you hear?
we're engaged
Sent at 1:34 PM on Monday
me: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!111
DUDE I DID NOT HEAR
but YAY!
merpe: yay
me: i knew he was getting u a ring :)
merpe: yeah
hahaha
how did you know?
me: didi told luckyvespa13 he was gonna get you a ring
and luckyvespa13 told me
:)
and we were both like FINALLY
merpe: luckyvespa13
hahaha
i know
Sent at 1:36 PM on Monday
me: that was really fast tho
do u have a pic of your ring!??!?!
merpe: yeah
do you want to see
me: i wanna see!!!!!!!!111
totally dude!
Sent at 1:44 PM on Monday
me: send send send!
are you excited?
were you surprised?
Sent at 1:46 PM on Monday
me: omg
i am DYING OF SUSPENSE GIRL!!!!!!!111
Sent at 1:48 PM on Monday
merpe: ok
sorry
me: haha
merpe: done
me: omg
refreshing...
refreshing...
refreshing...
(it can't get here fast enough!!)
wtf
Sent at 1:51 PM on Monday
me: awwwww
i love it!
it's so you!
wait so dude tell me how it happened???
Sent at 1:53 PM on Monday
merpe: I have to tell it to you in person
i'll call you later
me: sigh
ok :)
well
i am glad
as i am sure you are as well.
merpe: yeah
me: heehee
i can tell
;)
merpe: hehehe
:)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Better than bacon bits

me: http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2010/01/15/review-macadamia-nuts-with-spam/
LittleMissSunshine: interesting...
i'll have to try that spam flavored mac nuts
me: hahahaha
SO gross!
and yet
so not surprising!
LittleMissSunshine: hehe
me: anyway that's why i sent it to you
i knew it was a combo of two of your favorite foods
LittleMissSunshine: enh. i'm not a HUGE fan of mac nuts, but i like spam
me: oh
i thought you liked mac nuts
LittleMissSunshine: not really
me: because you had those two boxes of chocolate covered macadamia nuts in your cabinet, along with your chicken & bizkits, oreo cookies, M&Ms, pecan turtles, dried pork, chocolate covered popcorn and candy clusters, jujubes, jelly beans and jolly ranchers.
LittleMissSunshine: oh. all those things i don't eat anymore and should just clean out
anyhoo..
me: omg are you for real
i was talking about when i first moved into 1334
you STILL have all that shit??? priceless!
LittleMissSunshine: oh right. but luckily i have phased out of that.
hehe.