Remember that time when I asked for some turbulence in order to get the kids in my section to settle down? Oh, may I never be so scornful again. The next children on a plane I see will be angels to me. My last flight to Cali rendered me fearing for my life and wondering what bad thing I had recently done to deserve this. True, I had secretly chuckled when an annoying lady dropped her snow white ball of yarn on the subway and it rolled across the floor, but good heavens did that really deserve 6 solid hours of pressurized torture? I was pissed off at myself for not having deposited my expense reimbursement check before my flight because now it would surely burn up in the flames of the crash. I found myself wondering if my company would be cool enough and reissue the check for my parents – I’d hate for them to think I had perished with not a penny to my name. Yes, I have my priorities.
Basically, from the minute we finished our already rocky climb to the minute we touched almost bankrupt California soil, we had on and off turbulence every 20-30 minutes. Several points throughout the flight I looked at the map hoping we would be landing soon, only to find that we were still over Michigan. Curses! Each time the plane would rumble and tumble and shake, I was desperate for the pilot to get on the PA to make some sort of comforting announcement along the lines of “Folks, it’s going to be bumpy for probably the rest of this flight, but you’re not going to die. Because, I, am Captain Sully!” Instead, right after checking the map only to find we were just over Utah (damn, two more hours!!), we heard this.
Ding.
“Aaaah, folks? Well, we didn’t have enough gas to get to San Francisco, but we had enough to get to Salt Lake, so we’ll be landing in Salt Lake to refuel. We hope you’re ok with that decision, but we just thought it would be better than losing our place in line at JFK to refuel, and then waiting another hour for takeoff. We figured we should just go ahead and get outta Dodge. So, aaaaah, yeah. We hope you’re ok with that.”
Wait, what??
Obviously we made it, but that was easily one of the top 5 worst flights of my life. All I have to say is, for my flight home…bring on the kids!
