I'm standing in a long line at the messy J. Crew by my office. I'm here to return a dress I bought for a wedding. I bought the dress in October for a wedding in March, and it didn't arrive until April and now it's June. Yes, I know it's June. That is not the story though. So I'm standing in line waiting to return my wares and I'm kind of looking around at all the merchandise and the random shoppers, and there's a guy standing a couple of tables away casually perusing some pants. He's a nice looking middle aged asian guy who maybe my Dad would guess is Japanese due to his jawline maybe or the squareness of his cheekbones, but since my Dad isn't here for me to ask him I can't be sure. All the pants on the table are rumpled and casual because I think that's what's In for guys this summer. The guy picks up a pair of awful awful pants. They are red and navy and tan paisley that say WAKE UP! WE ARE SCARY LOOKING AND ARE ALL PAISLEY AND CRAZY AND THE GUY WHO'S WEARING THESE THOUGHT WE WERE COLORFUL BUT WE'RE REALLY UGLY AND WE'RE HEADED YOUR WAY!
Oh dear. I just looked these pants up online and it turns out they are Italian. So now all male shoppers will think they're legit to buy since they're Italian, and now the pants are really saying BUON GIORNO! MAMA MIA LOOKA ATTA USSA! WE ARE MOLTO BELLO AND THISA SIGNORE IS NOT A GAY, IN ITALY WE ALLA DRESSA LIKA THISA! Anyway, asian guy holds these ugly pants up to his waist, and then looks up in my direction only to find me staring at him with saucer eyes. Saucer eyes as in ABORT ABORT ABORT! not as in My that strawberry cheesecake looks delicious! and he raises his eyebrows to ask "No?" So i shake my head to confirm "No" and give him the "Sorry your taste sucks!" shrug. He puts them down and then walks away saying outloud "Guess not."
Anyway, here are the pants. I think you and I both agree that I not only saved this guy $69.99 but also his marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment