I've been feeling queasy and anxious for the last few days, with me feeling worse as each day progresses. Today, I finally realized that it has to do with the Election. This election has definitely been the most interesting (and historic blah blah blah) election I've witnessed to date, and one that I have followed more closely than any other election I can think of. Which is really not saying that much, actually. I don't even know who ran in 2002. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but this year, I don't hate either candidate. I actually don't! During the last election, I really hated one candidate, but that wasn't compelling enough for me to vote for his opponent. I really hated both options. I refused to vote, refused to take a stand, all while getting berated by one of my friends for wasting the glorious gift ordained to me by my fair country. Anyone that knows me knows that brute force tactics do not really work on me. This time around though, I'm thinking, hey, they're both not so bad. I mean, they're not great, but they're really not so bad. And I actually think that if I don't vote, I'll really be missing out on something grand and "historic."
That said, I'm trying to nail down why I feel so nervous, and I think it's simply this: Regardless of who wins, big change is comin' 'round the bend. BIG change. And for me, anything that resembles change is stress inducing and my automatic reaction is to hate it. I hate change and new things and I resist it. It's illogical and luddish (resembling a Luddite) but I can't help it. I hated it when stamps became self-adhesive (isn't a stamp defined by the very notion that you have to lick it? Clearly not.), when we went from using tokens to metrocards, bemoaned emails and forsook cellphones. My life went on like this for a while until one day I realized my problem and resolved to tackle it head on. I decided that the minute something new is on the horizon, before my gut can even cry out, I will embrace the new thing with gusto and love it. LOVE it! Immediately! Accept it, praise it, adopt it! And before I could change my mind, there was my new mentality. Love change and love new things!
I guess that works for things like keyless cars, "Artic Freeze!" flavors, iPhones and YouTube response videos (even though I still don't get them) but a little less so for things that will potentially change the way I live for a long time to come. Anyway, I'm totally rambling here, but I just wanted to tell y'all that I'm just really nervous about tomorrow and want to vomit everytime I think about waking up on Wednesday, and it has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting Obama/McCain/Palin/Biden to be our country's next leaders, but more so just the tantamount change tomorrow represents.
AND, I still have to figure out how to vote. Because, in a complete 180 from the attitude I had 4 years ago (ha! fooled you), I decided a while ago that I actually want to participate this year and stop hiding behind the excuse of ignorance about issues. Moreso, in the last 23 minutes, I have realized too that if I miss tomorrow's voting, I will really regret it and feel like a complete dumbass, because this time around, I really want to be a part of it - wrong or right. Even though it really doesn't mean anything. And even though I'm not registered. Yeah, I'm not registered. Oops. Luckily, my Dad is working the poll center in my neighborhood tomorrow, so I think I'm going to mosey along up to him and slip him my write-in vote. Wish me luck!
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